A four legged Inspection Report.
07th December 2011
My name is Bobby,
I am a large black Labrador and take it upon myself to carry out the daily inspection of every part of the house, gardens and all my people who live here. And let’s not forget the all the staff of course!
I am a very busy boy as it is a big house, with lots of people to see each day. After my early rounds I will head down stairs to keep a beady eye on the kitchen entrance to see what the Chef’s are cooking up for the day, and just maybe there might be a little treat to be had later in the day.
Some of the staff are soppy and let in another four legged thing called a cat! I let him know who’s in charge here, but he just saunters around pretending to be Prince Charming! Equality or diversity, I just won’t allow it and out he goes through the Dining Room window. He then sits there on the roof of the limousine monitoring all of the comings and goings of the Home.
Nutrition for the Residents is high on my morning agenda; I make sure that they have their breakfasts. Sometimes ‘She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed’ comes by, but I make quite clear that this is none of her business! As is another area of safeguarding the rights of individuals, because I am fully in charge. I know just what they want to do and what they cannot do and what they cannot remember. So I help them even when they have dropped off to sleep using my nuzzle, as Sue, the Housekeeper, calls it. I make sure each person on my rounds is fully awake and that everything is in order.
There are certain perks to this morning round (but don’t tell Mother).There are certain Residents, who shall remain nameless, who have a little stash of treats for me, and if they can’t remember which drawer they are in – I help them as it’s only the polite thing to do! Sometimes they forget that I have already had a biscuit, so I get another, of course it would be rude not to!
I am a fair dog and respect their rights for the love of a wonderful dog like me or that pesky little cat; I know my inspections are on track!
Back down to the Hall to resume my duties in security along with meeting, greeting and checking all the incomers as I love to see new people and to make friends.
Lunch time arrives and I get a well earned rest with all the lovely staff. Oh and that little Chef’s treat I mentioned before, all served on a Doily – as I am quite a posh doggie you know!
At the end of lunch, and listening to all the staff’s blah blah, I go and have a long sleep in the Dining Room with a tablecloth
over my head. Some people have said this is rather a good impression of Mother Teresa! I only emerge to accompany the
cake on the afternoon trolley and help my people in making their choices.
At the end of my working day it’s off home with ‘She Who I Don’t Obey’, back to the cottage on the farm. The chickens, ducks are all over the place, pigs and cattle at every fence. I bark and bark to get them all in order but they take no notice; I try harder, they must realise the risks they are running, but not a bit of it, they roost according to the daylight.
I’m tired now, supper gobbled up, so many people and things to keep in order, so much to do tomorrow, so much to look forward to doing, seeing to and snuffling out!
I go to sleep with paw over my nuzzle, and dream of catching one of those damn noisy chickens!
From Bobby – The Tregolls Dog